It's My Party And I Will Cry If I Want To III
I’M BACK! So if you have been following along on IG we MOVED! To say it was a lot more this time then the last time we moved is an understatement. The biggest factor that made it different was WE HAVE A TODDLER! Holy Moly is he a moving active machine. I am so happy to be in our new house and also very thankful my mom was here to help us with the move. She was coming out here during this time anyways because we were gonna be going on a trip to Haiti but then got postponed so then she was gonna come just to visit anyways and it was spring break so me and Q were gonna take a mini vacay. Then we found this house and mini vacay turned into lets pack all this shit and move! This move was also just MORE because compared to our first house we had gotten more furniture and added a whole extra kid who had stuff. We did hire movers but because I just get panicky/overwhelmed and don’t accept help very well AT ALL I packed up all of our clothes and shoes myself. Packed up books and toys and towels. The movers packed dishes and all the big furniture. But with moves I just get SUPER overwhelmed….. I wish I could look at the big picture that yay exciting we have a great new house, more space for everyone, and can walk Zoey to school but all the stuff that goes into a move gives me so much anxiety. The switching of all the addresses for credit cards, telling the school, switching the address with the post office and turning off bills at one house and turning them on at the other. Making sure one house is all cleaned and cleared out and then setting up a new house……
The week before we moved I also got sick a combo of allergies and being run down just made me feel a tad bit worse. Being in the new house and seeing all the boxes and stuff around literally felt like a weight was sitting on my chest, and made sleeping in the new house hard for me to relax. I wish the goods could outweigh the bad and I wish stuff like that wouldn’t bother me but it does and I know things that bother me might seem stupid or small to someone else but these are my stresses and I wish I could ease them better. Sometimes my anxiety gets so bad that literally picking up the phone and calling the water company to talk to a stranger makes me feel so panicky.My stress also manifest into a physical thing one time my eye twitched for weeks or I get bad canker sores. And there is no explanation for it I wish I could find a way to understand it better or even explain it better. But it is another reason why social settings are so hard for me. The thought of talking and interacting with people in groups makes me just nervous and anxious so then I just end up avoiding them all together. But I do have to say it is not all social settings (I know its weird) I can do small groups and like sitting down at a restaurant. But that is with like close friends in a more intimate setting that doesn’t freak me out as much. It does make friendships hard and my relationship hard but Q has definitely grown to understand it more but it doesn’t always make it easy. For me and him it just means sometimes we do stuff just us which I prefer and then sometimes I compromise and do stuff in a social setting that he likes because at the end of the day I love him so I do that for him, doesn’t always make it easy. I also have horrible anxiety leaving my kids……
It is leaving them and then playing the “what if” game in my head. I have always had a hard time leaving them but it was easier leaving the girls because it was something I had to do every day because I had to work. And the daycare they went to I worked at part time so I knew all the teachers and trusted them. But since being a stay at home mom and then having Yasi it has been extremely hard leaving him. Most of our dates use to involve bringing Yasi because leaving him was too hard and I did not trust anyone to watch him, we also just don’t have family out here. Any time family does come into town that is when we get in excessive amount of dates. I do now have a couple babysitters that I trust and have full confidence to leave the house with my hubba and know I can walk away and everyone will be ok. Today was the first time though that I left Yasi with a babysitter and all the girls were at school. Which was a big step for me considering most times I also rely on Yasi’s comfort level to be ok because he has his sisters with him (mainly Zo) to make him still feel ok. I was seriously thinking of ways to cancel going on a field trip with my poor Zo so I could avoid the burden of asking a babysitter to watch probably an upset Yasi but then also go pick up the twins from school as well. Which is so unfair to Zo if I were to do that but I seriously had to keep telling myself a million times today it is four hours and it will be ok you will be ok it will be ok and to enjoy this time with Zoey because she deserves my attention! And guess what it was! But even me telling myself that a million times did not make me magically feel ok, but getting through the day did and getting to hang out with Zo in her environment made it feel better too. And knowing it was just one day not the next day and the day after and the day after that would be hectic, that it was just today and just a few hours that would be like this. It helped a little.
What else is going on in our world? Booked a vacay for me and Q!!!!! It will be our second real vacation just us no kids and this is the first one where I am not pregnant!!!!! So give me all the margaritas.
Netflix shows I have loved in this last month away from my blog: Dead To Me (SO GOOD thought ok has Christina Applegate and Linda Cardellini((who I love from ER)) so it is gonna be a good show but no it is a GREAT show!), Workin Moms (I learned from reading about the show when I fell in love with it that it is show originally a Canadian show and there are already several seasons that exist but Netflix just put Season One on there. To say I laughed and cried and related to SO MUCH mom shit that was said is an understatement. It was just so well done and so relatable and will have you crying tears of laughter), Crazy-Ex Girlfriend (I like light hearted comedies to watch at the end of the night to relax my mind and this one is I know an older show but so cute and funny. I love that the main character Rachel Bloom is so real looking and sings amazing and just has great one-liners and mannerisms. Also the first episode has Nipsey Hussle in it…..)
Hope you find something that maybe you can relate to or have felt before or maybe you might find some relief in not having these feelings, I don’t know if anything enjoy my Netflix recommendations and I am happy to be back writing! :)
I think this new view from our backyard and kitchen window also helps a little with the stress!
